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Mormon. Husband, and Father. Graduate student pursuing a Master's in nutrition.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Complexities of Marriage

One of my friends that I grew up with, Clint Thurber, got to spend some time out here at BYU-H before finishing his degree in Provo. When we talked about Hawaii, he told me of a friend he still had out here that I should look up, Jacob Hansen. Understand that when you're married, making friends is a little more complex than it has ever been before. Clint knew I would click with Jake and I trusted we would, but Jake and I are each married and that adds to the equation. 
When you're single, you, by yourself, decide whether or not you like the other person, and that's that. You either do, and you stay friends, or you don't and you part ways. But think of a marriage, especially if you are married to someone not exactly like you. The two of you may like different things and may prefer different company and that's perfectly fine; healthy even. In the "friend-making-department" of a marriage though, is where the complexity comes in; not only do you have to like the person and the spouse, but so does your own spouse have to like each of them. Let's say you both click with one of the people. That doesn't even matter unless both of you like both of them. Complex yet? Well it get's worse. Sarah and I meet another couple where we both like both of the spouses, that's great, we're done right? Friends? No, not yet. What if they don't like us? That's a deal breaker. I have to like him, I have to like her, Sarah has to like him, Sarah has to like her, he has to like me, he has to like Sarah, she has to like me, she has to like Sarah. This is a total of 8 mutual feelings! 8! When you're single, it's only 2! Making friends is 4X more complex when you're married. These are the types of things meant when people say "marriage is hard". Somehow with the Hansen's it just worked out. We both loved both of them, and it was mutual. 8 mutual feelings! Success!
I don't remember who called who or what we first did together, but today the Hansen's and the Zimmerman's have many awesome memories together and we're sad to see them go, but very happy for them and their next phase of life. Jake did some work out here for a vacation rental company and in his words, "the pay wasn't great, but the benefits made up for it" or something to that effect. The following pictures are the Hansen's farewell party at a multi-million dollar vacation home on the North Shore, near Shark's Cove. In great company with Jake's brother, Ian, Jake and Erica, Shane and Ashley Harder, and Cade and Kaycee Romeril whom we've been introduced to several times but haven't yet gotten much opportunity to get to know, though we hope to.

Sarah and Erica munching in the kitchen.

The front door is at the end of that hallway, kitchen to the left. I'm standing in the opening of $10,000 doors.

Indoor dining to the right, patio through doors. Lava rock and ocean behind bushes.

Amazing painting of Chinaman's Hat by dining room table.

Jake and brother, Ian. Balcony outside master bedroom.

Setting sun behind the house.

Back of the house. Lava rock and beach behind me.

I live where the most beautiful postcards start, and rainbows end.

Ian Hansen, Shane and Ashley Harder, Sar and I, Jacob and Erica Hansen, and Cade and Kaycee Romeril.
Bacon cheese burgers, chips, various Hawaiian beverages.

Jake and Erica, Sar and I love you and will miss you. Go forth and make babies!

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