I'm sitting on a balcony on the 6th floor of Turtle Bay on the end nearest the surf spot here, enjoying a setting sun and a swift breeze. There is music below, and myself, Sarah, and her mom are about to enjoy buffalo wings, chips and salsa, cheese, and fruit, all served literally on a silver platter.
I'm officially an actor. No these aren't the perks, these are completely unrelated events. But back to the actor thing, I've secretly always wanted to be one. I mean that. I have always wanted to act in films. I remember a Fruit The Looms commercial years ago of a black man dancing around in his living room in his tighty whiteys, I remember thinking it the funniest thing and telling my mom I wished it was me. Problem is, I never cared enough or was passionate enough to stay in theater (I thought the theater kids were weird), or go through agencies or anything, but thought it would be a sweet life to be an accomplished actor. But, I found another way, and his name is Shane Harder. View the recent video I got to be in with a few of our friends out here. Here's a shout out to my boy, Shane, and his photo company and now his new youtube channel.
Shane Harder's site is here, and his youtube channel is here.
Subscribe to his stuff, you can expect good things to come from it.
Watch, and enjoy.
A few other commercials I enjoy:
All of the Sonic commercials
The recent "Woo!" Little Caesars commercial
Oreo "Shut the front door!" commercial (they aren't cussing, but saying the safer alternatives)
It's 8:00AM, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, cars are starting, feet are shuffling, and I can now hear the clock chiming in the distance. Outside is organization and everything is right on queue. Inside, however, I'm in a world of hurt and confusion with a swelling toe while I try and remember my fall out of bed.
Sarah and I have recently talked about "moments". How, in a moment a life can be changed. You make a choice that could take anywhere from seconds, to hours, to weeks, to months to complete, but once it's done you are left with the consequences, good or bad. Those instances where something is done in seconds, with a lifetime of consequence, are of most appeal to me. I don't consider myself a very dramatic person, but this morning I thought I experienced one of those seconds. It's quite the embarrassing story and not one you would expect to bring on the pain it did. But, in my morning disorientation I thought my legs were done for, and I felt queazy with fear.
I woke up as naturally as can be considering all the noise mentioned above, and this is where everything get's hazy. I remember waking and quickly, with no reason, throwing my legs off the bed putting both feet onto the floor, standing, then immediately hitting the ground with a loud thud (we're upstairs) as if my legs were not even there.
I laid down wondering where I was and what had happened. From my view and my fuzzy memory, my legs crumbled like you see in those slow-mo videos of skaters eating it hard on the cement. I think one of my ankles twisted and my knees sort of went in different directions. I felt a lot of pain in my right foot that has now more centered in on my 2nd toe only. There was so much that I wondered about that moment, and so little that I was certain of. I knew my toe had hit metal, and I assumed I hit those metal, wheeled, feet of the bed. I also knew the backs of my knees felt weird. The only way I can describe it is a feeling of hyperextension leaving my knees sore and unable. Or, a feeling as if I was holding heavy weights and hanging over, keeping my knees straight, stretching out behind my knees beyond comfort. It's now only weird feeling when straightened, so you can imagine walking isn't a confident procedure, when you extend one foot forward, just before it meets the ground and you know the leg is about to take on the weight of the body. I look like I'm sneaking around everywhere I go. I'm cautious and slow and almost tip toeing because of my swollen toe.
Sarah woke to my moans and groans, and me rolling around on my back holding my knees to my chest, a combination of pain and fear, and I explained to her the best that I could what happened. We were not communicating well. Mind you at this point, I've only been on the ground, and awake, for a couple of seconds, and she had just woken up, we were both very groggy and squinty eyed still.
I then made it to the living room and walked some circles to test out my legs and analyze my body to try and investigate what could have happened to me. Sarah got me water. I went back to the room to try and reinvent the incident but there was something wrong. There was no metal meeting the floor. We have our bed lifted and it would have been those plastic risers I hit, but I was certain my toes felt metal, and was certain the metal went between my toes. So I had to look around. Now it get's weird. That metal border that your box spring rests on, we all know it, sometimes we rest our feet on it when sitting on the edge of the bed because it's closer than the floor. Well, that's the only metal, and it would explain exactly what I remember feeling. When I rolled off the bed, my left leg extended to meet the floor, and my right leg was still bent to aid in the roll. On it's way to the floor, my 2nd toe wedged between the mattress and that metal border a foot above the ground, and my left leg, with whatever is wrong with it, could not handle my weight alone. The combination of my right toe stuck in the metal border and my weakened left leg led to a nasty fall where my ankle and toe were bent as my body lowered. This also explains my carpet burn on my left knee where it must have impacted the ground before the rest of my body.
The Culprit
The only part I don't know now: why do my legs feel this way? This is where the fear came in this morning, I couldn't explain it well, but it felt like they would never work again (again, this morning I was confused, groggy, and had just fallen to the ground). All I can think of is that our mattress is the worst mattress in all of Laie and causes a "hyperextension" feeling if I lay on my stomach at all, legs straightened. But even that doesn't sound plausible, so this is still a mystery. I can still feel it, and must simply wait it out.
If you have any ideas (heat, ice, stretch, rest), or have experienced something similar, please do tell and ease my embarrassment of dropping to the floor this morning causing injury. I feel elderly...
Time and time again I tell myself, "This is it. This is the semester. This is the one where I'm going to make school and fitness my *top priorities. I will spend the majority of my time studying, then the remainder of my time will go first to eating healthy and exercising followed by whatever else arises." Yet, again and again it doesn't seem to go that way. It got me questioning priorities; the things I choose to do with my time. This is set up to be a topic of time management and how to best fill time, but that's played out. I want to tweak that angle a bit so I'm pondering why we fill our time with what we do.
When I spend time with Sarah, does it decrease my stress level? When I'm writing out my thoughts does it actually make me a more useful thinker and communicator? When I'm at the beach with friends is it in any way shaping and defining my character? When I'm watching TV does anything good come from it? Are the effects of these things bettering me in some subconscious way, and is that why I just naturally prefer them over other things? Are the things I choose to do with my time, are my instinctual time fillers, in any way rejuvenators?
Or...
Am I just a lazy schmuck, and all I get from these things is the satisfaction that they require far less effort than my more strenuous desires?
Since this is my blog, here is my belief: I believe it's both, plus 2 additional ones I realized while just now writing. 1) On the beneficial end are the things we experience that challenge us physically as well as mentally and sharpen us quite well to the point that we long to be that sharp again so we go back to it. This is your hobby: Running, playing music, rock climbing, surfing, biking, for some this is studying - secular or religious, etc.
2) Some of what we choose to do is because we're tired and want to do nothing. These are the things that are easy and require little effort when so many other aspects of life require so much effort. This is your relaxer: TV/movies, reading, napping, etc.
3) Then we've got the activities that take hold of us and rapidly become addictions: tobacco, alcohol, coffee, drugs, and **pornography are a few big ones prevalent in my upbringing (I believe it to be an unfortunate truth that every child will be exposed to something on that list, if not all, at too young an age). This could be any of the listed or anything else in your life that tends to take root and dictate your actions: gambling, working, gossip, celebrities, on-line social networking, etc.
4) Lastly, there are things we must do. Whether we chose the circumstances, or they are placed upon us unawares. These are our responsibilities that we shouldn't avoid because either we will suffer or those around us may. For you this may be pet responsibility, a job, school, a child, car maintenance, etc.
"Necessity" could be on the list, but I'm excluding it. The things you need to do are just that, they're needs. There's no use in explaining why you do them, other than the fact that you need to in order to survive: eat, sleep, bathroom, etc.
With this said, ask yourself where you stand. Have you found a fantastic, healthy, balance of the above mentioned areas? Are you busy beyond sanity with hobbies? Are your days fixed around large bulks of relaxation? Are you more acted upon and your life is determined by the addictions that surround you? Or, are you so busy with responsibility you have no idea what these other 3 things I speak of are. (Depending on your view of the word "addiction", you can be OK with this, or not. Some view "addicted to" and "passionate about" as synonymous. I disagree. I think "addicted" is a negative term and denotes an unhealthy relationship with an action or thing)
I wonder if this is true for everyone and does all that we do fall into one of these 4 categories? These are just my thoughts and where I stand today. I want to start organizing what I do and discover a healthy breakdown where I enjoy hobbies meshed between responsibility and relaxation, and discover and rid off addictions (We aren't always aware of what we're addicted to).
Take this all with a heaping spoon full of "moderation in all things".
*Things within the walls of my home (family affairs) actually take precedence over the other things
**If you aren't "Mormon", you may not be accustomed to hearing "pornography" in a list of addictions. But in the LDS faith it is fully recognized as a damaging addiction that destroys families and grasps individuals as dangerously as the rest of the more widely accepted addictions.
Once we found out we got in I e-mailed the man in charge of placement and asked what the earliest we could move in would be. I said I'd come in the following Monday to discuss it once he could look over some things. Last week we walked with a friend, Shane, through his building, where he showed us the available lots he was aware of. We saw one we liked quite a bit, a corner lot, and we figured we'd try asking for it. We arrived Monday morning and he greeted us by saying he was just e-mailing me. Right on top of his stack of papers was our file, with available rooms written on it. He handed it to us and asked if we wanted to pick. On the list was the corner room I had wanted. We said "that one", he crossed it out making it ours and no longer available. Then there was this very exciting dialogue:
Sarah: "When can we move in"
Russel: "Name a date"
Sarah: "..Today?"
Russel: "I'll work on your paperwork and send it to the office, go pay your deposit and you should be able to move in by 5:00."
We paid our deposit, and started moving in early afternoon on Monday. 2 days later we are officially moved in, and organized for the most part. A few odds and ends to take care of, but we're mostly ready to go.
More exciting news that is not chance, luck, or coincidence, but 100% blessing. We still had 3 months left in our old lease. Shane's wife is on a school biology trip to Saipan. In the group that went there is a guy who has a fiance here. That fiance is getting ready to move out of her place and start getting something ready for the two of them once married this summer, so she's had her eye open for anything available. News went from Shane, over an ocean to his wife, Ashley, from Ashley to her classmate, and from him back over the ocean to his fiance. We were able to get in touch with the girl and she is now meeting with our old landlord to sign a lease and finish off ours for us.
Is that sweet or what? Here are some before and after pictures of the new crib and crib.
Living room
I hadn't seen the couch arranged this way so I was pretty pumped on making
it work out. Sarah was indifferent, but it's growing on her.
Bedroom. Notice I wrongly assumed we'd have equal closet
space and had to scoot that dresser a bit.
Crib finally set up with bedding
Bathroom. Sarah hasn't been able to take a bath in a year
and now she finally can!
This is our entry way and open screen door. We know about 5 other couples in this building, and a couple others just across the street, along with many others throughout all of TVA. Couldn't be happier to finally be so close to our "family" out here (Lacee just brought us a plate of dinner). We feel so blessed as of late, and hope everyone knows the gratitude we feel.
On a different note: Mustaches have fans and enemies. For all the enemies out there I'm already tired of the stache, and am considering shaving.
Self realization 1,181,003. That's not a real number, well, not that I'm aware of. But posting self realizations would be a cool concept to the blog.
Sarah and I are watching It's Me Or The Dog. It went to a commercial, and I immediately wanted to pick up my computer and start clicking around: e-mail, check for grades, youtube, check the blog, etc. I caught myself and said to Sarah, "Sar! Look at this, it's 2 seconds into a commercial, and I'm already picking up my computer to find more entertainment. Why is that?!" She accurately responded, "you're just bored".
While talking with a friend several years ago he taught me one of the reasons television is so captivating is simply because it's always moving. The pixels are never still, and because of that, it's appealing to the mind. Always changing, always new colors, usually bright, and it engages our sense of sound as well.
This instance was in close proximity to Sarah telling me, "Oh, when I go home [for the baby shower], I'm taking your angel book back", which of course, I now have a rant about.
The "angel book" is called "Hush Hush" and is by Becca Fitzpatrick. It's about a fallen angel, and I know little more than that because I've only read the 1st several pages a couple different times when I wanted to start reading again. This book is the one book squeezed amongst others such as Pregnancy Dos And Don'ts, Your Week By Week Pregnancy, What To Expect When You're Expecting, Chicken Soup For The Girlfriends Soul, and Mennonite In A Little Black Dress that I can claim as mine. I served in an area in Fort Collins where the author of the book was in my ward. I got to meet she and her family (who are all awesome by the way), found out she was an author, bought the book and got it signed with the promise that I'd read it ("9-16-10 To Elder Zachary Zimmerman, Thanks for coming to dinner and being our politest elder yet! B. Fitzpatrick"). I pressed on with Sarah that she could not and would not be taking that book home; it's the only thing that makes me feel remotely intelligent on a shelf of books read by my wife. Granted, there are a few gospel books that I brought to the equation but as far as leisurely reading, this is the extent of it.
Becca told my companion and I that this picture is actually
an upside down copy of the original.
Try these out if you're looking for your next series.
Hush Hush, Crescendo, Silence, and Finale this fall.
My realization is this: I'm like unto a child in yet another way. Why do I need to be constantly entertained by brightly moving pixels? And why does a few seconds away from a program make me itch like I'm going through withdraws? This book is a new goal of mine as a past time. Something away from bright flashy pixels; something to help me continue exercising my own imagination instead of having a box feed to me what I need to be thinking and feeling. I also feel weakened in that I'd rather watch a video than read text. I believe there is much to be gained in finding joy in a good book.
I've changed my post layout and now anyone can comment. Please tell me any other ideas you have for past time activities that is away from television or computers.
I'm going to start this post by saying that 2 days ago sarah ate our last bag of edamame, I'll come back to that later. Yesterday was so productively stressful. I decided at the end of last semester that I would continue doing at least one lab a week to stay ahead in my biochemistry class, where I still have 11 labs to do. So, in keeping this up I'm avoiding doing 12 labs in 6 weeks. Whilst (which is a "chiefly british" term), I was doing lab, Sarah went to the gym. This was the start of our stressful evening. Browsing a magazine on the treadmill she found a meal she had to have, and rightly so. It was a a pork rib, green bean, grilled onions, sauce glazerific dish. It was too much meal for one studio though, and a breaker kicked. The onions stopped grilling, the sauce wasn't made, the green beans weren't finished, our fans stopped blowing, the refrigerator turned off, and I couldn't find the breaker. Turns out it's in the neighbors kitchen closet. If you ever can't find your breaker, try your neighbors...
During dinner we got an e-mail telling us where we were on the TVA wait-list, number 36 in "tier 2". Tier 1 is for athletes and iwork students (international students who work for PCC), though we don't know how many are there.
Now back to this edamame thing. It enters Sarah and goes straight to wherever her emotions are wired and starts crossing cables and interfering with it's normal layout. This is not what's needed on a day like yesterday. She had a mini-freakout and it lead to us rearranging every bit of furniture we own in an attempt to find a place our crib will fit.
This is our new layout:
The crib will extend outward from where you see the changing table.
Bookshelf was moved by closet, and heaviest TV I've ever lifted was put
on top of refrigerator.
To add to the stress, we timed this rearrangement horribly. With our bed in the middle of our room, dust bunnies hopping all around the newly exposed tile, and luggage and boxes strewn across the rest of the floor, our bishop, one of his counselors, and the stake president came by for a visit in an effort to get to know the members better. We awkwardly sat/stood around the bed and got to know one another.
I just looked at Sarah and said "I don't really know what this blog is about..."
So, take this one with a grain of salt while we work on being more exciting.
Put on your lovey dovey pants, turn up your speakers louder than usual, and enjoy mine and Sarah's wedding highlights video of a video.
Today marked Sarah and I's 365th day as a married couple. I'd love to take a peak into the lives of others beyond us in marriage years. We have each heard, on more than one occasion, that the 1st year of marriage was the hardest, but we completely fail to understand how that is. I hope, so sincerely, not to sound boastful in saying all this. It really has been a breeze thus far. There are most certainly difficult days. To Sarah I describe them as days where I just want to escape into the Alaskan wilderness. It is by no means an escape from her, but just an escape. I usually feel it when school is getting me down, when I feel too tired to entertain or be entertained, when I'm questioning my future career, and when I'm scared that my future is all the more important to realize because someone is now apart of it with me, and now two someones in a few months. Now, let it be clear that we have probably dodged a few unnecessary fights simply because we didn't know there may have been something worth getting flustered over. In this year I certainly didn't tell Sarah every bit of truth I had in me (like the time I used her towel to clean up water from under a leaking refrigerator ), and I'm sure she hasn't told me every bit of truth she still holds (I'm a bit suspicious that instead of cleaning up crumbs, she pushes them off the counter, or under the microwave). Maybe that's a flaw, or maybe that's the trick: keep some things to yourself; I don't know. It sounds bad saying "keep secrets", but honestly those crumbs I don't know about certainly don't bother me. Again, those beyond me in marriage years may be shaking their head in disapproval of this mentality. If so, when did you learn? Is "complete honesty" a thing? If it's real, then I'm certain I'll learn it.
Fun conversation that just occurred at the start of our 2nd year together.
Sarah: "Did we eat dinner?"
Me: "If you're hungry, eat something."
Sarah: "But I can't tell if I'm hungry."
Me: "You've asked me 3 times if we've had dinner. You're hungry. Eat something."
Sarah: "Ok."
We tried to remember our biggest fights and we each came up with one we remembered. To each one listed, the other could hardly remember the issue at hand. It was only a big deal to one of us, and now it is nothing but a memory. My memory was the time we discussed going to the gym together. I was pushing Sarah too hard and not accepting yoga as enough, encouraging she do weight lifting also (which she isn't entirely opposed to, she just doesn't love it). In her memory was the time I wanted to borrow a fairly large amount of money from a friend. We had forgotten rent, and according to the obnoxious pounding at the front door by our landlord, she hadn't forgotten. Our bank was closed, and the ATM wouldn't allow a withdrawal of the amount needed. I suggested we just borrow from a friend, pay our landlord, then pay our friends back after that weekend when we could access a bank teller. I don't even know if these two examples were big enough fights for me to say "lesson learned". I'd probably push Sarah again, and I'd probably suggest borrowing money again. Wait a minute... were each of those situations MY fault??!! This is enlightening. I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned in that fact alone.
Today we did something that we intend to make an anniversary tradition. TVA, Temple View Apartments, are the on-campus married housing apartments that we're dying to get into. We'd save a couple hundred a month living there, be closer to campus and friends, and have a place we'd be staying in until our stay here is over. It would offer great security in our position as residents of Laie and attendees of BYU-H. The TVA admittance process revolves around a wait-list that has only ever been a headache and there are all types of conspiracies as to whether or not there's even a list at all. Sept '11 we were number 143, Jan '12 we were 74, and we hear tales of people being number 130 getting in in a couple months time. hmm...
There's a man put in charge of this process. He get's calls, answers inquiries, organizes the applications, sends e-mails, and is responsible for who ultimately ends up where. Whether he does this alone, or with a team, I don't know, nor do I care. Today, Sarah and I made him cookies. We brought them into the office, where he was typing up e-mails after their closing hours, and presented them to him with these words: "We're aware of all the work you have ahead of you these next couple of weeks, and all you've done up to this point. We made you cookies, and to ensure that these aren't bribery cookies, we aren't telling you who we are. Hope you enjoy them. We're going now." and we walked out. He looked so happy, and even if he never thinks on that moment again it doesn't matter. We walked out and high-fived each other because we felt so good about what we had done. We want to do something kind for someone on every anniversary.
We also went for a walk today sharing head phones, had a fine dining experience at the ever-so-classy Taco Bell, sat at the TVA playground and talked for an hour, and got some free stuff: cotton-balls, an ice tray, cocoa-butter lotion, and this sweet canvas:
Is he looking over his left shoulder or over his right?
This is unnecessarily long. I honestly wouldn't read it if I were you. Know that your support really means a lot. I can see the number of views each post gets and seeing the support from friends and family helps me more than you know. To sum it up for those who don't need or care for detail: I'm deleting facebook, but will keep blogging. Jump to bottom for a photo update of the pregnancy.
I have a very bittersweet relationship with technology, specifically facebook. Sarah recently told me, "Zach, you always fight it, you need to just embrace it" concerning the ol' FB. (She just shook her head at me when she asked what my blog was about).
I've gone back and forth with wanting it and hating it. I remember it being called thefacebook, and that I wasn't allowed to have it! If you knew me you could safely bet I wanted it more than anything at the thought of not being allowed to. Being at a community college, my school e-mail wouldn't suffice for log-in information to create an account during the early expansion of the site. Then it finally expanded enough to include the school I was at (then Cy-Fair Community College).
I got it! I loved it, I posted, I received posts, posted pictures, added friends, confirmed requests, joined "poke-attack" groups created by friends where once or twice the hundreds in the group each sent a poke to one unsuspecting mutual-friend victim. This was all fun, but I eventually became aware of the amount of time spent on this dang site. I knew I needed to delete it.
I even had a friend or two delete them as well, and we sort of had a sense of rebellion and camaraderie together, going against the grain of nearly everyone around us. I remember talking to one of them while deleting it "alright man, click it now. Did you do it?? Me too!" I absolutely loved feeling "off the map". Friendships I had become more meaningful because they weren't as easy to maintain and manage. By that I mean I had to actually call or text people, and to do that, you have to have contact information. I no longer had the luxury of just writing on a wall, or "poking" someone (which, outside of the group is a weird idea that I never did get into it, but it was an option).
Then... I found myself missing it. I'd be lying if I said facebook was not a useful tool. You find yourself in a bind and need a favor? Missing someone whose contact information you don't have? Feeling guilty for cutting off one of the resources your family and friends have for keeping in touch with you? Need to sell something that you're certain one of your 250 "friends" may be interested in? To sum it up, I realized it had its uses and I got it again.
This whole cycle repeated itself, and I found myself deleting it again. This time it was more official. I knew I was finished with that account. But paralleling that thought was the suspicion that I'd end up creating a new account as soon as I remembered its uses; new friends, new information, new pictures, and a new resolve to not get wrapped up in it.
Today, I'm back at the latter part of the cycle; I'm ready to get rid of it again because of the amount of unnecessary time spent perusing various friends profiles and finding old acquaintances. This will be my 3rd time deleting it and I won't pretend it's a permanent move, I'm sure I'll be back. But for now, I'm going to deactivate my account. The goal is to drop it for summer, with the hope that I make better use of the time provided me. I hope to get to know my wife better and spend more quality time with her. I hope to get outside more, spend quality time with friends we've made here, occasionally run on the beach, prep for Sawyer, study for the DAT, and sell my motorcycle; just to name some of the things on my mind.
As mentioned above, here's the stunning Sarah Zimmerman with child. 5 months and 1 week along. That's halfway! Grow, Sawyer, grow!
