The Worst Nightmare I've Ever Had

Anyone who has known me long enough to hear me talk about dreams knows that I can have extremely detailed, vivid dreams, sometimes random and weird, but usually full of emotion and meaning. I've wanted to put many of them on here, but it gets to be a chore because of how much detail needs to be captured. Most mornings I wake up grateful for my midnight adventure, almost feeling exhausted or confused at why I'm lying in bed, when seconds ago I was hanging off the edge of a rushing train or fighting bipedal crocodiles. (Sarah and I have also woken up mad at each other for something that happened in our dreams).
Last night however, this "ability" of mine to have vivid dreams that seem to go on for hours, came as a bit of a curse. I awoke around 5:20 AM and called out Sarah's name with a shaky voice. I then grabbed my phone and wrote down my dream because I knew there must be a lesson to learn from it. I now quote from the "notes" portion on my phone (a lot of the short sentences were between battles to stay awake as I momentarily fell back asleep and sort of relived the feelings... it was as if I woke up splat dab in the middle of it and kept getting sucked back in):

"Worst dream that Sarah died. I could hardly function. I didn't want to go on living without her. It wasn't fair. I could hardly go anywhere without falling to the ground in tears. Something with her muffler caused her car to wreck. It took a while to realize that it meant I lost Sawyer too. Worst thought to wake up to. I would give up anything to never feel this way again. I felt, even in a dream, the worst pain I've ever felt. Sometimes I love dreams because of how real they feel, but not last night. Last night didn't seem fair to feel that much hurt. I woke up thinking it really happened, it was so convincing. I called for Sarah because I honestly thought she would not be home. She was awake and getting ready for work. I hugged her and said I loved her. I don't want her to leave. I feel like I need to be with her everywhere she goes today to protect her."

In my dream I remember seeing the crashed car. It was her silver mustang. I walked around it trying to piece together what had happened, looking for any reason to find someone to blame. I never saw Sarah.

Just before this dream I dreamt of my mom. Here's the rest of the note I made this morning:

"Also dreamt my mom died. She went to a dance and just collapsed but all the details were unclear; no one in my dream seemed to understand what had happened. I couldn't get answers from anyone. I woke up and after talking with Sarah, I texted my mom that I loved her. She reciprocated and sent a picture of her in a warehouse with a smiling face, sweat rolling down it, followed by a picture of the boxes she had packaged up while mentioning how many still remained. Another thing I hate to see. I want to work hard in life and in marriage so that I never lose my wife and so that I can give my mom a better future." I then told my mom, "I give you my word that when I'm a dentist I will live well enough below my means to get you out of the sweat shops".

I'm no dream interpretor, so I have no idea why such dreams of losing loved ones haunted my night. But I'm grateful I have them in my life, and if nothing else, I woke up appreciating them more. I love you Sarah, and ma.