My Poems

My neighbor, Brian, came over today. He played guitar while I did some drumming on my drum (upside down 3 gal. water jug filled 1/4 of the way up). He then got his computer and showed me a song of his he's been working on and it got me inspired. I searched through the old files on my computer to find the poems I'd written over the years intending to put music to them. I found most of them, but one or two required that I log back into my 1st FaceBook account where I had uploaded them as "notes". I've never really had a good outlet to place these, and as it sounds, they've been pretty scattered. It occurred to me that this blog is the perfect place! They're able to be read by others, and they're able to be stored in one easy to access location. No more file searching and format changing.

Here they are for your enjoyment! For a couple of these I heard Mr. Chang from Community yelling obnoxiously in my head, "HA! GAAAYYY!" There are asterisk's by the 2 that mean the most to me.

Oct. 9, 2006

Carpe Diem

So many people with

One thing on their mind

“I’ve got to hurry up

There’s so little time”

Those are the people

Forgetting to live

Avoiding distractions

Unwilling to give

Slow down team

This life isn’t a race

It’s an opportunity to grow

You’ve got to change your pace

Observing the young teaches one

To be more care free

As does the placid lifestyle

Of creatures from the sea

Ever watch a turtle

Maneuver through the blue?

His grace and precision suggests there is no better place in the world

than the one in 

which he resides

That’s the difference between us and them

We’re too busy and in too much of a hurry

To even notice the beauty

Surrounding our lives

Carpe diem

Hold it to your heart

It’s all about freedom

Now's the time to start

Oct. 2006

Untitled

The distance between is far too great

The feelings inside are too

I’m pulling back, I’m provoking change

Is this what I should do?

Please don’t call

I’m already attached

Like devils claw

On that unsuspecting stranger

This plan will work, we’ll both be fine

Getting over you

I hate this plan and could regret

Getting over you

You’ve got this unbreakable shell and everything

That is you is within

I pray every night you will invite me inside

When will this finally begin?

Maybe it won’t

Maybe you can’t

Is there too much in your past?

Lady, of all the people

That could ever hurt you

I would be the last

This plan will work, we’ll both be fine

Getting over you

I hate this plan and could regret

Getting over you

I know we’ll be fine

It just occurred to me

That someone’s plan is better than mine

I’ll worry no more and

Sleep at night

Because someone fantastic

Is guiding my life

His plan will work, it’s so divine

He’s always by my side

I love his plan and now I know

I’m always on his mind.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 @ 12:45A

*Princess

Excuse me sir
, with all do respect


what are you doing?



You’re only in the moment, I know


but there are so many places that this could go



Before you act on the thoughts polluting your mind


consider the following

:

This is someone’s daughter



Years ago this little girl danced on daddy’s feet


Then rode her bicycle proudly down the street


Even though she’s older, he still provides a shoulder

For her to cry on


He is who she will rely on



Keep that in mind while you
 fall into the devil's temptation


Consider this situation

:

One plus one makes three


It’s quite simple you see



Two fall in love, and they create one


Maybe a daughter, maybe a son



If you don’t understand, I’ll speak on your level


I can step down. Should I lie on the ground?


Should I roll in the dirt? Because that’s where you’re found



This beauty before you is no object of lust


Look in her eyes and realize 
the sweet soul that resides inside


The sweet soul that loves life


And lives to love, 
and loves to give



Don’t you be the reason that sacred soul


Stays sheltered from the world



Act as a guardian and prevent harm from


Doing anything that cannot be undone



Take notice of the innocense in her melodic tone


Don’t you take her for granted or


Leave her feeling all alone



Show her compassion and make it real


Let her feel what it is to feel and know its not surreal



Don’t you walk away with empty thoughts in your head


Think about all that has been said


There are requirements that have to be met



The hole you are digging is sure getting deep


you are descending and getting further from the top


stop


Rethink the thoughts doing laps in your skull


You are not the only player in this game for two


Consider her future and take control


In respect to whom she will say “I do”

.

Oct. 2008

Patient Vessel

I practice singing so I can sing for you 


I sometimes run in case you do 



my massages are practice for when you're near 

I try and be strong so you have nothing to fear 



I want to learn jokes that make you smile 


or laugh so hard you start to cry 


Just before we sleep at night, 
I want to look you in the eye

 



a sailboat will patiently await the wind 


as I am waiting, my dearest friend 



I feel a breeze, it's in the air 


it dances across my skin without a care 



a storm is coming, a beautiful storm 


it's a natural phenomenon in the most simple form

clouds gather and grow with such intimidation 


light is replaced with the darkness, a romantic implication 



winds increase and add a respectable amount of strife 


the ship is setting sail never felt more alive. 


April 4, 2010 Easter Sunday

*To My Best Friend

I'm inadequate, I’m weak, I'm stubborn, I’m smug

But what's more is I sometimes don't care

I struggle, I judge, I may hold a grudge

And I’m learning this plan is not fair

I give it my all and still I fall

Oh, the choices I’ve made

Why are you still at my beckoning call?

Why does your love never fade?

You forgave me once, you forgave me twice

And I feel your love all around

Whenever I look, deserving or not

You’re always there to be found

Thank you my Lord, thank you my God,

Is it ok if I call you friend?

I’m sorry I’m weak, but I’ll never give up,

For you the faith I’ll defend

What is not fair is the love you have

And the grace you offer me

Time and time again it seems

You’re willing to set me free

The snare is there and I step in

Knowing what's at cost

I step in without a care

At how far I’ll soon be lost

I pick up the chain with my own two hands

I’m the only one to blame

Now the chain lays hold on me

I’m trapped in Satan’s game

But there you are it never fails

Ready to cut me free

Again I cry and wonder why

You have such love for me

As I contemplate who you are

The answer comes with ease

The Son of God, a God yourself

Who’s mastered charity

The things I see are not quite me

There’s more than meets the eye

To you, I'm kin, and your friend

For me I know you died.

♥ WITHOUT END

In my upbringing, I was a confident kid. One of the things I prided myself on was my independence.

I always longed to be independent of my mother. As she will be reading this, I'll clarify to avoid causing offense or hurt feelings. It didn't stem from a desire to be away from her, rather it's the desire to learn to cope and get by on my own; it's longing to know that I'm capable and soaking in new experiences that I can call mine. I'm not certain when or why I developed this attitude, but I have some ideas which I'll leave out for now. For the record: With this independence also comes the ability and know-how to ask for help when it's needed.

I remember going on "High Adventures" with Boy Scouts where we'd go off camping somewhere for a week each year. For some of the boys, myself included, it was our first times away from home for a whole week. We had many weekend campouts, and even more one-nighters, but seldom a week. With each of these trips there were different types of kids. There were the ones who would miss home on the 2nd day, then be fine; there were some who wouldn't be sad until the 4th or 5th day; and then the extreme where every day was a battle. In each of these cases, it sometimes brought them to tears. Then there were those like me, who were ready for another week out. Sometimes those kids like me will end up breaking a tooth on a diving board, (this instance was at a vacant girls camp with a pool and cabins we weren't allowed to sleep in because we were "men"). And sometimes, like me, they still aren't scared away from the emancipation and adventure. I won't make up reasons why I was ok with it because I have no idea. I just know I was fine.

This same attitude carried into relationships. I remember being very young and having my friends open up to me on a regular basis. I was the listener and advice giver, and I think I still play that role to some of them today. And truth be told, I love it. I love getting to hear a friend out, and try and help them through something. I love knowing they can open up to me. But, who I am today is definitely derived from how I grew up. I seldom poured out anything to anyone. I didn't really let others help me through things. There are a handful of my best friends who I really open up to and know my closet skeletons quite well.

I've had one serious girlfriend (before my wife). She, and other close friends, will know who she is. I have no idea whether or not she reads this but again I'll be sensitive in explaining my attitude on that, and other, relationships. It was never based on wanting to be away from them, but I never felt I needed them. It was even voiced to me not only by my wife when we were dating, but by other girls also, "I just don't feel like you need me", and I think they were right. Secretly, I was way too afraid of commitment to allow myself to become dependent on them. 

With all of this that has been said, it certainly needs to be stated that there are and were many times where I did and do need these people in my life; family, friends, church leaders. But for whatever reason, in most of these instances I didn't want them to know that.

Now to why I write all of this.

Wednesday at 5:30AM I dropped Sarah off at the airport. She's now in Texas and as of her last text to me, she's enjoying fajitas with her dad. Now this is still a new thing for me, and maybe that's why I'm doing it in writing. But I miss her like crazy. My best friend is gone after a year of not being apart; we went our whole first year without being apart for more than a full day.

I started writing the reasons I need her on our dry erase board, so I can really appreciate what I have. Now, this isn't a mushy list (Sorry Sarah). It's not the "why I love Sarah" board. It's a board where I note things when I realize I wish she were here.

-Own butt not as fun to slap

-There's no one here to make laugh (making her laugh is one of my favorite things to do)

-Feel more guilty being lazy alone

-The bed doesn't get made

-When I checked the mail and got a bill, I had to open it

-I stayed up until midnight because I didn't want to go to bed alone

-I have to go to the mirror to check my teeth

-My hair probably looks stupid and I might not match

-I can't feel Sawyer. It's a strange thing missing my unborn child.

-I don't hear a shout of "I want some!" coming from the bedroom when I pour my cereal in the morning

-I forget to eat snacks throughout the day

-The bed is colder

-There isn't a thermos with ice water lying around somewhere

-Clothes are harder to put in the mesh hampers because I don't tie them back up

-And lastly, for now, something I would not have done that Sarah did and I find it hilarious. I just noticed this today.

Sarah got an inscription put into my ring. And last night while I was missing her (and up way too late with no other ideas how to occupy this free time) I looked at it and felt grateful for her in my life. Then I felt artistic so I tied it above the bulb in a little lamp we have and took pictures of its sweet lighting effect.

"♥ WITHOUT END"

Miss you, boo. I Love you and need you.

11 Non-Stop Days

There is a lot to catch up on... I'll start with a follow-up from 2 posts ago. My legs aren't better. The backs of my knees, my knee-pits, still can not be straightened all the way, nor bent without pain. I have no idea what it could be, with still no apparent cause.


This may be old news to anyone familiar with myself, my wife, or my blog, but it turns out I really do want to be a dentist!
Sarah recently went to the movies with her mom...

Ok, time out. Here's a mini catch up. About a week and a half ago Sarah's mom, Gail, visited for 9 days. On the 9th day we took her to the airport and followed what seem to be barely-helpful-enough "departures" signs. We dropped her off, made toward the exit, then rerouted ourselves back into the spaghetti-like routes, this time through barely-helpful-enough "arrivals" signs. Two friends of mine from the mission, Matt and Ashley Harkness from Brighton, Colorado, came to visit us (and Oahu) for 2 days after their 5 days on the Big Island; their arrival was close enough to Gail's departure to be extremely convenient. Everyone is now in their respective home towns, and Sarah leaves for Texas tomorrow for a week.

Sarah..mom..movies... right... Sarah got popcorn. When you pay for popcorn, you also pay for that junk to be stuck in all your teeth for the rest of the evening. The next day came and she still felt something back there. She whipped out the flossers and went to work. She has a back tooth that was already difficult to floss because of a filling that mustn't have been smoothed out enough. Sarah, thinking it a kernel, wasn't as easy on it as usual. She ended up chipping out part of her tooth where there must have been a crack, not a kernel.


The story:
Sarah made an appointment, and the next day we headed to Kaneohe. I knew I was about to enter, for the first time since I decided I wanted to be a dentist, a place similar to the one I would spend my next 40+ years. Upon entering the office I thought to myself "oh gosh, this is drab... I already don't like it", I then had thought after thought about whether or not I could see myself in that office the remainder of my working career. I told myself to wait until we got out of that cramped waiting room with the hard floor, and past that door with the stained glass tooth on it. We did so, and I began to get more excited. Seeing the organization of instruments, the little work nooks, the decor, hearing the small talk amongst dentist and patient, as well as dentist and assistant, and finally seeing the dentist himself, helped me begin to feel a whole lot better. After actually meeting Dr. Briggs, I made sure to inform him that I wanted to be a dentist, and I asked if he minded if I got close to watch his work. He gave me the green light followed by tons of other helpful remarks and instructions. He was the coolest guy, in his 60's or 70's, and still practicing happily. I would ask questions and he'd pause his work to answer (I made sure not to ask during what looked like important parts of the procedure). He was more than happy to answer my questions and he genuinely seemed excited and obliged that I was so inquisitive. It's silly, but having decided on dentistry based on a series of impressions I had, made me pretty naive about what the career actually looked like. All that I heard and saw, with the exception of that waiting room, got me so fired up about this career path. So, I now have not only impressions to go off of, but I also have an image of the workplace from an angle just a bit outside of a patient.


Things we've done in the past 2 weeks: Pearl Harbor, Hiked Waimea Valley, Hiked Diamond Head, Hiked Manoa Valley, Hiked Chinaman's Hat, Waikiki Firework show, Snorkeling at Shark's Cove, Pali Lookout, shave ice in Haleiwa, campfire s'mores at Turtle Bay, surfed at Lani'akea, hung out with the turtles at Lani'akea, a blanket fort in our living room, a murder mystery dinner with neighbors, and played a sprightly game of Quelf.

Wikiki on the 4th of July. Something you only do once.

About 7 of them in all just chilling on the beach at dusk.

This dude was beast, and that's a tracker on the top one.

Sheet suspender to hanger to jump drive to screw. Genius.

OH! Most importantly, the baby is the size of a 13.5 inch Rutabaga. I don't know what that is, but last week it was a foot long ear of corn weighing about a pound.
Baby mama has gained about 13 pounds and is 6 months along (25 weeks).
101 days to go!